the nut house :: more than you ever wanted to know about me

i got my bally's membership some time around 2000-01. i'm sure i could go back through my archives and figure out the exact date, but it's not really important. what's important is that when i got my membership, i was at my largest, and i was very miserable. i topped out at about 160 lbs and a size 14 within weeks of joining.

over the course of the next few years, i worked very hard, went to the gym religiously, whether or not i had a trainer or a workout partner or something better to do. by the time i moved to washington in late 2002 i was down to just under 140 lbs. when i moved back to oregon in late 2003 i was hovering around 125 lbs. shortly after i moved to virginia in early 2004 i bottomed out at around 115 and a size 5.

since i moved here, i've nearly given up working out. i tried for a couple months when i first moved, but going with bryan's mom really demotivated me. then i went through a pretty bad depression in which time i really didn't do much of anything and just wanted to run back to oregon.

i ballooned back up to 140 lbs and in 2007 i couldn't take it anymore. i started going to the gym at our apartment. again, i was religious about it, going nearly every day if only for a half hour on the treadmill. by the time we moved out in june i was knocking on the 120's again.

unfortunately over the summer i wasn't able to work out at all, spending all of my spare time moving, working on the house, moving, or playing kickball.

recently i looked at myself in the mirror and was horrified at what i had become. all of those nasty things that you could say about a woman's mid/lower section when they are out of shape, i exemplified. cellulite, saddle bags, love handles, sickly pallor... it was just not good. i was embarrassed to let bryan see me naked. there was no way i was wearing skirts to work. and shorts? forget it.

so in early february i determined to get back to that size 5. i did it once, i can do it again.

it's been hard getting into the swing of it. i've been taking my workout bag to work with me and going straight to the gym, because i know that if i go home i won't go back out. there are a lot of people at the gym by the time i get there at night and i have to fight for machine space. i'm often tired and hungry by the time i get there, and just want to go home. i don't feel like pushing myself, so i don't feel like i'm getting the results i want. i feel guilty that there are other things that are more important, that i should be doing, like working on the house.

even so, i've been going, and nearly two months later, i'm back down to 131. i don't seem to have lost any body fat (according to our scale) but my clothes are looser and the tape measure is showing results. i'm not doing weights as often as i should, so i don't feel like i'm getting stronger yet, but i'll keep at it.