after four years i've gotten to the point where i'm not sure whether i really want to be around it anymore or not. i have put a lot of time and energy into the whole thing, from compiling stats to attending practices. coming a half hour early every week to help set up the fields, staying late to pick up trash and collect the equipment. making sure that all game scores were submitted to the webmaster by the day after the games. passing out uniform shirts and rule/score books at the beginning of the season. helping to ref games. playing first-aid, babysitter, cheerleader, and team mom. and for it i have gotten some gratification from the team i was associated with, but i also got a whole lot of hell from other people who consistantly told me i didn't belong, i had no right to be there, i had no room to speak, i wasn't a registered player so my opinion never mattered, and just flat nobody wanted me around.

after a while it took a toll on me. it broke my heart. all i wanted was to be accepted and help out. i never intended to make anybody upset, or be in anybody's way. but it appears i failed all the way around.

so now i have to decide whether i would rather sign up to throw it in the faces of those people that told me i didn't belong, to show them that i DO matter and i DO have a right to be there, or do i throw them all the finger and just walk away with my dignity?